Deadly Dames Diary, as written by Chloe from Zou Bisou (she moonlights for us).
10am – Arrive at 40 Winks Boutique Hotel. Leave shoes in hallway to avoid risk of paying for expensive carpets or potential Death By Catherine. Admire nick nacks. Faff about. Touch nothing.
11am – Prepare for shoot. Creative genius Morgana scouts for good places to shoot i.e. which of many luxurious sofas will benefit from a hot pink girdle? Run to the shop for last minute hair gel. Sew finishing touches onto corsets. Polish weaponry. Touch nothing.
12pm – Morgana and trustee assistant begin shooting Morgana. Ensure all stiletto heels have protective “bubbles”. Take flashy videos of location. Post several tweets ending “… on location for @kissmedeadlier shoot.” Clog up Twitter feed. Get excited at gold leaf wallpaper. Don’t touch it.
1pm – Morgana wields camera while wearing new pink Sirena Vargas Dress. Jess wears lots of pink. Debate over whether or not we can move pink armchair. Basically, a lot of pink. Catherine is hard at work.
2pm – Emmie prepares to shoot in the lounge. Make more artsy Vine videos. Enjoy lightly bouncing on jingly jangly couch. Make cheesewire look sexy. Coin the title “SUSPENDER GIRL!” after fastening many a suspender clip for models.
3pm – Several requests for chocolate, crisps and orange juice (mainly for nutritional balance than anything else). Lunch in the garden. Models in various levels of undress.
5pm – Shoot final pieces in living room. Resist temptation to do as oversized champagne bottle label says. Pub is vaguely mentioned. Throw lingerie at Morgana in the hope that it will get shot on time.
6pm – Half-hearted applause for everybody. Fight exhaustion and pack up. Locate misplaced weapons. Call cabs. Go home, eat and sleep.